Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
