Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
