Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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