you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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