Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
