Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need water and some morals
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
