i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
