i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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