Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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