I swear she didn't look like that last week.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
