Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
