Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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