I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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