how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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