There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize