Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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