White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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