She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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