New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
