Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
