Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
