I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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