Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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