Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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