So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
