So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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