You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
