I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
