I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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