new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
