i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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