I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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