I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
