My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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