He told me they were just razor bumps!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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