Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
