awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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