when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize