That's intense
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
