Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
