At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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