hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize