I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
