how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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