living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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