Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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