I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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