I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Someone shit on the floor
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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