people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
