whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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