mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
