pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
