Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
