Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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