I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
