i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
