So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
