In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
