I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
