you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
