That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
