I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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