Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
