I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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