I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
