I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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