So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
