2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
