She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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