I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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