I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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