I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
